In Plain Sight

Well. I don't know if anyone will ever read this online journal (of sorts), so I may as well attempt to be bold in the writing of it.

I am tired of myself. Just tired. Why am I sitting here, about to be forty, not doing half the things I told myself I would do.

I love folk art and I used to love drawing and painting. I have neither drawn nor painted in a decade.

I haven't written anything literary - or even schlocky.

Hell, I'd settle for schlock at this point.

There was a time, way back when I was a twentysomething Mommy, when I got so sick of the soap operas I was watching that I told myself I would write a better one. And maybe make money on the chiklit circuit. (Chiklit as a phrase hadn't even been penned then)

But I was more of a loner back then.

Now the fam and I live in the burbs, and I'm surrounded. I am very fortunate that I have female friends who accept me. I still suffer from living way deep inside my own head, and not being brave enough to show my true self.

But, eh, I figure there are more of us than what meets the eye anyway.

Not all of us stand around at the bus stop, spewing forth nuggets of wisdom such as "Maui is overrated."

Please.

I don't even want to remember that, much less analyze such brain dribble.

heh

Obviously, I have my own issues with judging others.

But, yeah. I am my own worse critic.

So, for now, I'm going to keep this url close to my vest and at the same time force myself to pulll out the awful thoughts and inner pictures in my mind.

Either for future viewing and reflection or stories with the names changed so they could be more useful.